A lesson in the making: Contentment

Good morning sweet friends! My last blog post was right before Christmas.  I skipped out on Christmas and New Years Day posts.  I understand that’s typically unusual for a blogger, but I needed that time to myself.  This post isn’t going to be a typical post.  It’s somewhat deep and something that has been on my heart recently.  I realize that this post may not be for everyone because I intend for it to be lengthy, but I’ve thrown in some fun pictures from my Disney trip with Nick’s family to help spruce it up a bit.  I’ll also give a quick re-cap of my Christmas and New Years.  If you have the time to read this to the end, I strongly encourage it.

My Christmas
I had a wonderful Christmas!  Nick got me a kindle and I’m in love with it, he also got me a pair of workout socks and some nifty wine stoppers.  My parents got me an external hard drive to store my video footage on so my computer won’t be so slow.  My sister, Vanessa, got me Boo from Monster’s Inc. and she’s the cutest thing in the world!  My sister, Tiffani, got me a puzzle that I can’t wait to start and this holiday coffee set.  This morning as I type this, I’m drinking the “Breakfast Blend”.  Overall, I had a wonderful Christmas.  Plenty of time with my family and Nick’s family.  The day after Christmas, Nick and I headed out for Disney with his mom and siblings.

My New Years
We arrived back in to town around 11pm on New Years Eve.  I decided to hang out at Nick’s house until midnight so we could wish each other a Happy New Year.  I fell asleep on the couch while we watched a Modern Marvels: Disney documentary.  He woke me up right at Midnight to say Happy New Year and then I headed home.  On New Years Day, I spent the majority of my time in pajamas, trying to recover from the trip.  I watched the documentary, Black Fish, and learned a whole lot!  Then Nick and I ate Cabbage and Black Eyed Peas (for good luck) at his dad’s and at his mom’s.

This morning
This morning, I woke up feeling much better!  I made my breakfast sandwich, that I’m still obsessed with.  I made a pot of coffee from the packs my sister gave me for Christmas.  And I decided to finally sit down and write this blog post out.  This post has been on my mind for a week or two now, but I just wasn’t sure how to go about it.  I’ve mentioned the topic once or twice within a blog post, but I really wanted to nail down all of my thoughts on the topic.  Not necessarily for y’all, although I hope it can be helpful to someone out there, but mostly for myself.  I want to look back and see what all God revealed to me during this time and see how I responded.

Last year, I made a list of goals for the New Year.  Truly the only thing I accomplished was my triathlon.  Everything else was a bust.  Although I enjoy making goals, I actually don’t look back on what I should be accomplishing when it’s for such a long period of time.  I’ve noticed this year that people are coming up with their “Word for the Year”.  I didn’t realize this was a thing and I never intended to create a “Word for the Year” for myself…. but God has been laying a word heavy on my heart these past few weeks.

CONTENTMENT

My life lesson
Two years ago, I just graduated college and I was getting ready to move to Orlando for the Disney College Program.  I was nervous and excited.  I had NO idea what to expect.  I packed up, flew myself out there, met some amazing friends, and began experiencing Disney for myself!  Not too far into the program, I became really depressed.  I missed home, I missed my family and friends, I missed Nick…. I was struggling bad.  I began wishing my Disney time away.  Waiting and waiting for the next phase of my life.  I was counting down to August 3rd, the day I could pack up and drive home.  I finally made it home and accepted a job as a VISTA at Mississippi State University.  During this time, I lived with my little sisters in a two-bedroom apartment.  This next year would be the slowest of my life.  I struggled connecting with my boss.  I never felt like I was grasping the concept of the project.  I was miserable.  I began wishing away my year as a VISTA.  We did this large countdown at the end, for the day we would finally be free!  Again, I found myself miserable.  Once I completed VISTA, I moved back home with my parents while I looked for a job.  I was ready for my big-girl job, the one that would allow me to pay my own bills, live in my own place, do what I want, when I want.  I got frustrated, I got overwhelmed, every rejection letter was like another stab to the heart.  I felt like a failure.  Why was I always the “second person” for the job?  Why was I never good enough for a company to give a shot to?  These past 4 months were brutal.  I cried a lot, I was stressed a lot, and I applied for a lot of jobs, with nothing in return.  I got to the point, where I would be happy to take anything as long as I could move on with my life.  I almost accepted a job that I knew I wouldn’t be happy with long-term just so I could draw a large enough pay check to move into my own place.  God always has other plans…… Immediately after deciding that I would take this job, God spoke very clearly to my heart.

CONTENTMENT

I started attending church this past month again and y’all have heard me talk about “Miracles” and how great the sermons have been.  If you’re interested in hearing the sermons on Miracles, you can check those out here.  Some where throughout this sermon series, God revealed what I had been running from the past two years.  He had been trying to teach me contentment through these past circumstances and I have run from that truth over and over again.  I am constantly seeking the next phase of my life.  I hold off dreams and ambitions until my circumstances improve.

I can’t be a vegetarian or vegan because I live with my parents and they feed me.
I can’t expand my blog because I don’t have my own creative space to do so.
I don’t want to get too involved in an entrepreneurial idea because that requires more organization than I can handle at the moment without my own place.
I can’t apply for grad school because I would prefer to have some work experience under my belt.
I can’t bake and cook my own things because all of my stuff is packed up.

The list of things that I can’t do could go on and on because of my circumstances.  God finally slapped me in the face and told me I’m being a brat.  Maybe not exactly in those words, but it was a huge revelation to me.  I need to find joy in my circumstances and although this may not be where I want to be, I’m exactly where God wants me.  When he’s ready for me to find my next phase, he’ll provide it for me.  My timeline is not relevant anymore.  It’s all in God’s perfect timing.  If God had given me a job immediately out of VISTA, I’d probably continue to be unhappy with my circumstances.  I’m thankful for this time to learn, this time to find peace and enjoyment in the everyday.

I don’t have a list of goals for 2014.  If I did, I probably wouldn’t do them.  I have things I hope to accomplish.  While I’m finding contentment in my circumstance, I’ll continue working hard for my dreams.  I’ll apply for jobs as they come, not putting any pressure on a specific opportunity.  I’m going to begin studying for the GMAT and I plan on taking that in January or February, then applying to a handful of grad schools.  I will be working towards a long-term goal, without a specific direction or request.  I believe God will provide during this time.  He will put the pieces together, letting me know if a job or a school is right for me.  I’ll work towards both and allow him to have the final say.  During this time, I’ll work some part-time jobs to make some extra money, I’ll volunteer in my community, I’ll go on mission trips with my church, I’ll expand my blog, I’ll plan blog meet-ups within Mississippi…. the point is, I’m not sitting still anymore.  My life has to continue on even without a plan.  I’d love to do some more races this year, but I don’t have a goal set for them.  I’d love to read more books, but putting a number on it doesn’t usually mean anything for me.  I’ve decided that going vegan would still be tough right now, but there is no excuse for me not being a vegetarian if it’s truly what I want for my life.  As of yesterday, I became a vegetarian.  If it sticks, that would be great, if I slip up, I’ll move on and try again the next day.

CONTENTMENT

What a huge mountain of relief I felt when I realized what God was trying to teach me – what God had been trying to teach me for TWO YEARS!  My burden has been lifted thanks to this realization.  I’m finding greater joy in every day life, I’m striving to be a better person for myself, my family & friends, and my community despite what my circumstances are.

I’m excited about 2014 – not because of all of the things I have planned to do… but because of all the things I DON’T have planned.  God has the plan, the perfect plan, and although it’s tough for me to give up that control, I know I’ll find greater blessing and joy through that.  My word for 2014 is CONTENTMENT.  Through this contentment, I’ll be more and do more with my life!

Happy New Year to y’all, I hope your year is full of blessings and if you’ve set out to accomplish a list of goals, I wish you the best of luck!  You can do it!  Every person is different, contentment may not be on your list of life lessons at the moment, but for some… this blog post may have been exactly what you needed to hear too.  I know, for me, it was a lesson I greatly needed and I have found many blessings through it already!  I haven’t blogged since December 23rd because this was so heavy on my heart.  I wasn’t ready to share it yet, but at the same time, nothing else seemed important enough until I posted this.

I have no idea what God has in store for me in 2014 – I’m working hard to not have any expectations except that he will do immeasurably more than I could ask or expect!